Friday, June 15, 2007

"You're So Skinny!"

Most of my adult life (all of it?) I've wanted to lose weight but was never motivated enough to change my eating habits. I didn't feel like sacrificing my food intake just to wear a different size clothing. Plus, I knew women who were obsessed with dieting and it didn't feel right. I wasn't in danger, most of my clothes still fit, and overall I felt pretty good most of the time.

Now, I've lost 30 lbs, I'm down to 130, I feel great, I look healthy and my clothes don't fit anymore. At all. In fact, the clothes I got at the clothing swap (mostly size 8) are feeling a bit big now. I wear a belt everyday, and even some shirts have to be put away. Now people tell me how skinny I am, which I know could either be a compliment or a disguised concern. I feel fine, I eat as much as I want, and frankly, I feel good. The weight came off pretty easily (aside from the adjustment to eating mostly raw foods, of course) and it was fast. I exercise happily everyday anywhere from 20-45 (I jump and walk). I don't do anything too strenuous, but it feels good to move everyday and I willingly exercise because it's fun, not so I can lose more weight.

I find that now I am defending my weight loss and want to hide a bit (under baggier clothes, etc) because I don't want people to think I am anorexic. I try to explain to them that my body is shedding bad cells so that it can build up with stronger, better cells, but I don't think they get it. I know I shouldn't care so much, but alas, it's hard.

I feel great and proud. I've lost weight, I have a lot more energy, I enjoy exercising, I eat WAY better than I ever have, I enjoy more foods, I feel more creative, I have a stronger relationship to the Highest Spirit, I feel more confident and my life is simplifying. Raw food is the best thing that has happened to me since meeting Josh and living at Findhorn. I believe that God is guiding me and that I will not get too skinny or unhealthy. It may look bad since I haven't been this thin since high school (and I don't believe I looked this thin...) but overall, I think it's awesome. It's hard to tell people that I'm okay. I also said that at any time if people think I'm looking listless or emaciated, that they can feel free to talk to me about it and I will happily explain/prove that what I am doing is fine. I shouldn't have to, but I will so that they don't commit me. When a culture is comfortable with obesity, the flip side can create some alarm bells. Everyone at work is happily comfortable with their weight and men are accepted thin. Women are supposed to be thin AND voluptuous and healthy and skinny seems like a scary place for folks. I'm happy with my weight. I had a dream a long time ago that my ideal weight was 129 and here I am, at 130-ish, feeling fine. I made it. I know there's a chance that I could taper off or lose a bit more, but I'm fine, either way. I do eat tons of fat still. In fact, I wonder what it would be like on the 80/10/10. I'll try that later in my raw career.

On a more positive note, my sister asked me specifically to walk her through my raw life, explaining about recipes and lifestyle and I felt really proud of myself. She is really interested in my changes and I am really interested in sharing them, so that felt really good. I'm eager to start holding classes and workshops regarding all the things I want to share. I feel more confident about being able to do this and it feels like a good way to supplement my income.

Being raw has definitely changed my life. I feel so much clearer and more grounded and it's a great feeling.