Thursday, June 4, 2009

Day 4-Master Cleanse

Today, I feel like a rockstar!

If you plan well, eat/drink properly beforehand, then it's much easier. And don't drink anything that will turn your insides...that was the only snafu I've had so far. First day was challenging and I do smell all the fried food that's being cooked around me, but for the most part, it's nice to have a break from food and eating.

Kind of like vacation, where you want to check email or get voicemails, but really, three days into it, you realize you don't really want to be that connected and you'd rather hang out on the beach or enjoy the sunset.

Cleansing is like a body vacation. Funny thing though, on actual vacation it seems that our society, on a whole, eats worse ("I'm on vacation! I can have a little ice cream, cake, double mocha, 5 servings of pasta, etc!"), even though we're supposed to be taking a break from our lives or normal go, go, go. Hmm.

I slept really well and have been having weird, hard to verbalize dreams. I love to dream, even if I don't remember or can't quite grasp with my conscious mind. I seem to work things out really well in dreamland.

One thing that I love about cleansing is that my confidence restores to its natural high levels. With raw food, it's easy to feel good about myself because I don't have any yucky food pulling me down. I have more energy to complete tasks (adding to my confidence), I'm more inspired, creative, etc.

What I'm finding is that I eat to prevent the aforementioned good times, as well. I'm afraid of the failure aspect so I eat to make myself right ahead of time (if I believe I never follow through, then of course I have to make sure I don't and eating is the fastest way to do that!).

Raw food and a larger liquid portion of my food will keep me humming along. I'm excited to get back to raw food. I miss all the yummy things I used to make.

I remember when I did the liver and gall bladder cleanse at Annapurna Inn. It was an intense experience, but I really enjoyed it. Luckily, you get to drink blended stuff the whole time so I wasn't very hungry anyway, but cleanse we did! I'd like to do it myself, at home, but the only thing I'm not able to do is the colon therapy over here. And Port Townsend is really a destination spot. Maybe in the off-season I can go again. It was a great experience.

It's good to work on my business plans while I am cleansing. The confidence mixed with the good feelings can actually propel me forward. I'm thinking of offering a class on nutrition and performance in the workplace...maybe I should write an article first to see if there is interest. aha!


Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Day 3 of Master Cleanse

Master Cleanse is a good name for this thing. Already many things are coming to light. I am up minutes before the alarms goes off everyday, I am listening to my intuition, I am able to meditate better, weight is sloughing off, I remember to breathe more, I feel stuff that normally I would stuff down...I'm sure more stuff has been happening, but those are the ones off the top of my head.

Co-hort #1 told me yesterday that eating had been a way to deal and now that there is no eating and no "stuffing" works with liquid, things are starting to boil up.

I eat for many reasons: boredom, fear, excitement and celebration, peer pressure, anger, sadness...I think those cover it. Where I would want to yell or confront or cry, I eat instead. Where I would want to pace, run, laugh, I eat instead. Where I would want to lead, question, or just sit in silence, I eat instead.

When the act of eating goes away, I am left with myself, all the parts that I have tried to avoid for so long. Not in their entirety, mind you, I DO have a therapist for goodness sakes. But I avoid the little things and boy, do they add up at the end.

It's interesting being on this cleanse with other folks, who are reacting in very different ways. We can share our love/hate for the drink, our physical sensations, or other superficial things, but when it comes to the journey into the shadows, it may look like the same darkness, but I assure it's uniquely different.

I remember when I used to write...much harder when I eat instead.

At Findhorn there were mealtimes. There were break times. But I could not, like I do now, eat whenever, whatever, wherever. I kinda miss that structure. I like structure if it serves me, and special eating times definitely serves me.

I also liked the structured day in general at Findhorn. Granted, there were times when I was always into it, but mostly, it was nice to have 3-4 different things to do, but I knew that Wednesdays was attunement (group check-in), Monday and Tuesday were workshifts, class was from 9am-12pm everyday, and tea time was at 3pm. Those types of structures allowed me to feel contained without restrained. Nice distinction.

I'm working at the law firm, which provides me distraction and structure as well. It's good not to be at home. I wish I could do stuff at work that I normally slough off at home. Nitty gritty things, y'know?

I realized that I have been drinking the minimum amount of MC lemonade, which explains the dry mouth a little. I think I need to be drink at least 80-90 oz. of liquid (not including teas and water). Gotta clean it out, man!

Stay tuned for more details!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Day 2 Master Cleanse

I'm feeling good this morning. Looking forward to the salt water flush, although it just makes me pee a lot and doesn't bring the massive elimination. I don't want to drink a laxative tea, as I'll be moving around a lot today and don't need any emergent pit stops.

Seems co-hort #1 is about to eliminate and co-hort #2 did last night. Whew. No need for toxic build-up, right?

My stomach feels lean today. I love that feeling. The extra blubber that I carry around feels so crappy and I am happy to fast/cleanse just to get it back to feeling good.

I know I have a food problem. But I also know that I have a hard time in OA. I wish there was a Raw OA group that met face to face.

Raw food recovery is a hard thing to grapple with in that the whole world (practically) eats cooked food, so when the First Step comes around, Admitting I Have a Problem, I look at other people and think, can I really be "addicted" to cooked food?

But I spose I can admit it, regardless of what everyone else is doing. My body reacts poorly with any cooked food. I feel worse, I look worse, brain is foggy, emotions are up and down, and I just don't feel connected.
On the flip side, when I am 100% raw, I feel SOLID. I am happy, healthy, energetic, connected and all that good stuff. Well, except for social. Social life changes. BUT, I haven't been as raw as I was in the beginning and therefore, I have been unable to retain maturity AND good eating habits.

I miss all the pies, cookies, dehydrated food, etc. I always need to have raw ice cream available.

Yes, I am thinking of food during a fasting cleanse. In fact, I am planning how to get off the cleanse and into a routine of raw eating. I'm thinking of older recipes. It's good to have some time to plan because then I can start right in with the raw food and not have to worry about what to eat.

Last time I did end up eating some cooked food because of some massive cravings, but I don't think I planned my ease out steps well enough.

This time I have two other folks I can prepare food with and for and we can stay mostly raw together. I think I want more nuts back in my life (just not cashews or almonds) because I think between the avos and nuts, I had it goin' on with regard to fat loss (I know, it seems really weird that those fats reduce fat, but I'm proof!).

Okay, gotta go drink my second drink of the day!

Monday, June 1, 2009

Day 1 MC Continued

I just weighed myself (before drinking my Fasting Tea from Yogi Tea) and I'm up to 144. Wow. Amazing how fast it all comes back after loaves of bread and potatoes!

I feel a bit lethargic and slow, but I've been able to eliminate. My two other co-horts have not and are not tolerating the salt flushing. I rather like it. Maybe my body likes to detox.

Day 1 of Master Cleanse 2009

I've been putting up my updates, sentence by sentence on Facebook but I thought since I have some time to reflect, that I'd write a blog post.

Several folks and I are doing the Master Cleanse from June 1st-June 10th. Many raw food advocates say just eat better raw food and don't do the cleanse (maple syrup isn't raw). However, until I design a better cleanse for myself (hey, that's not a bad idea!), I'll stick to the 68 year old method of lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne.

Today is the first day and I mixed a big batch for three people in our house. It's quite hot. Maybe a bit too much. I'm at the law firm for several days this week so it's good to be away from the house and the lure of food-type stuffs. When I'm home, I tend to hang out in the kitchen, which isn't really good for me when I'm restricting my consumption.

I haven't written down my intentions yet for this cleanse so I'll do it here.

1) Ultimately, I want to lose the extra pounds I've been carrying since I stopped eating mostly raw (darn Europe!). I am learning that travel+winter=poor eating (especially in places that have limited raw products and barely know what a vegetarian is).

2) I have some beliefs about abundance, success, self-worth and self-value that need shifting/updating. When I'm on, I'm really on, but when I hit a pocket of turbulence, I practically crash the plane with my downward spiral.

3) I want to get back to my garden. I'm not sure I was ever IN my garden, really. I went there to get food, but I didn't care enough for it and I didn't feel peaceful about being there (bummer!)

4) I am full of mucus (physical manifestion of #2) and it's kinda of annoying to always have to drain my sinuses. I know that phlegm, mucus, runny noses, allergies, and all that jazz have to do with inflammation and when the body doesn't like a substance, it inflames to protect itself. Unfortunately, I do a lot of damage and I don't offer a lot of rest or breaks in between.

5) I need more mental clarity. I'm in career transition, house transition, and life path transition and I need to clear out the rubbish.

6) I miss being 100% raw and feeling good.

7) I won't be able to fast when I get pregnant and this seems like a good time to start cleaning out again in order to get back on the horse.

That's enough I think. My "hunger" in life is not satisfied by the food I am eating, which is a problem for me. I'm eating just to eat, pass time, prevent headaches, and socialize and none of those things are fulfilling right now.

I'll post if things come up like revelations, challenges, emotions, etc. Right now though, my stomach just gargles. I know it's looking for food, but not today, pal!

Way back when I went off sugar (never did it before) in Scotland it was an intense experience. I had more energy, it was emotionally challenging, and apparently I didn't write much. :S

This can be similar to that at times. Irritability, headaches, stomach pangs (which are detox symptoms), clearer vision, inability to lie (I love this one), and mental focus are all usually a part of the process. We'll see what unfolds!