Monday, March 31, 2008

Conclusion of Cleanse

The last two days of my cleanse went really well. I was a bit tired/bored of the drink, but I wasn't really missing food too much. Nothing really "came out" physically, but I had a feeling that most of my detox would be emotional anyway.

I've been exploring the way I communicate lately. I have my ruts and my habitual patterns and through the various physical and non-physical guides in my life, I was able to move through a lot of stuck emotional grime. Sludge. Old, crusty stuff.

I have been really noticing how much I am attached to my ego and my pride. I don't want or like to be viewed as wrong (who does?) and I had to dive deep inside to really look at what I prevented from coming into my life because of that ego stuff. Being wrong meant that I was unworthy or not perfect and that's hard for me. But owning my truth, sharing my fears, and admitting my wrongs felt SO MUCH BETTER than trying to be right. What a relief! I know that admitting I am wrong and being wrong aren't always the BEST feelings, but worse than that was the energy I put in to NOT EVER being wrong...even when I was. If I feel that people won't forgive me because I am wrong sometimes, then I am really not giving myself or others the benefit of my humanity.

I also like to be in control. The raw food lifestyle really gives me a "thing" to hang on to, to control, to judge with, etc. It was wreaking havoc on my emotional state. Feeling out of control made me feel bad, but trying to get in and maintain control was exhausting. The cleanse relieved me of the pressure to deal with food so that I could deal with the unspoken stuff that happens AROUND food. Aha!

I had an interaction with a friend, that I'm not proud of, and I got a lot of clarity around my responsibility in it. I won't go into details here, but let's just say that I am learning to be honest, clear, and state my truth sooner, rather than later, when I usually end up using it as a weapon. Ugh.

The 6th day of the cleanse was really the first day of the Raw Divas' Detox program and it was a simple water fast. Awesome. I had no trouble and even ran for several minutes to catch a bus late in the evening, with no problems.

Now that I am on the detox plan (7 days of fruits and veggies), I admit that simple food tastes amazing. I'm struggling with the local produce situation as many recipes for delicious smoothies include faraway food like bananas, coconuts, etc. I give in to the occasional mango, but I try hard to stay as close as possible while eating ONLY fruits and veggies. Lots of greens though. :)

I had a nice retreat this weekend with my husband where we talked about what's coming up for us around money, our future, our values, spending time together, etc. It was an AWESOME two days filled with emotion, connection, strength, affirmation, and clarity. It was free to do and does wonders for our relationship.

I'm on Day 3 of the detox and I have to admit, I am looking forward to eating the more nut/seed/fat foods that I've missed...I am trying to remain conscious of those choices though. Making snack food so I can overeat is not a good idea and not eating enough is also not a good idea. I think getting a few solid smoothie recipes down, that I can feel good about, will help when I am feeling hungry. I don't eat bananas that much (we don't buy them anymore, but I wouldn't deny a host's offer of an already made smoothie with it) and so I feel a bit limited in my consumption. Perhaps we should invest in some seeded bananas just to try them out. :)

Anyway, I hope you all are well!

1 comment:

congokiwi said...

Hi Becca,

When I was trying to be 100% local/seasonal in my consumption, it was very limiting. Those limits made me anxious and more fixated on food than ever. I finally am allowing myself permission to use anything organic at PCC, regardless of origin or local seasonal appropriateness, and my food horizons have expanded delightfully (and fixation somewhat diminished!). I am finding that green smoothies with mangoes are just wonderful right now: mildly sweet, very green, and satisfying.