Monday, May 14, 2007

Just to See

Part of my transition has involved listening to myself and my body moment to moment. If I want nuts (even if I've been instructed to stay away from them), I eat them. If I want cooked food, I eat it. Sometimes my cravings are strange and usually involve my thinking, rather than my body saying "We'd really like to be clogged up a bit, how about some pasta?"

I had Phad Thai last night. It was just a handful or so, but I told myself "You can eat whatever, just to see." Letting myself make empowered decisions, rather than berating myself for "cheating" or creating so many restrictions that eating becomes an emotional black hole, often guides me.

The food did NOT sit well, of course and I'm sure one day very soon, my body will have such a violent reaction to eating it that it won't be worth the "Just to see" moment. At this point, it's not actually worth it, but my body needs to connect with my brain a bit better to get the message successfully across.

I'm happy that I know the difference between feeling good and feeling bad. I spend WAY less time in the bathroom than I used to and it's great.

The key to eating raw for me, at this stage, is to prepare foods that will satisfy me. I am missing the cracker-type carbs so maybe a few dehydrated crackers would be good for me. When I feel lacking in my food choices, that's usually when I rebel. :) This is such an amazing journey.

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