Addiction?

There are many camps of thought that claim cooked food is addictive. It's hard for me to understand addiction at times. Last night, however, I noticed the moment when I told myself that eating cooked food (no matter how much) was not a good idea. I did it anyway. And I had done it the day before as well. Not because I felt "addicted" but because I felt it may not wreak the havoc that it had previously. THIS is what addictive behavior is for me: the fact that I believed my rational thoughts would be able to make the food less harmful. It definitely was NOT a good idea to eat the cooked food.
There are times when I see people enjoying a meal and I want to enjoy myself too, so I think that eating the food will bring me into their world. It never does. It never did, for that matter. Sure, it tastes good for about 3 minutes, and then it feels like a huge dead weight in my belly. Then later, when I am done pretending that I can digest it, it feels awful coming out again. I don't even remember the 3 minutes of supposed enjoyment. Did my friends love me more? Did I hear the voice of God? Was my palate that pleased with the tastes? No, no and no.

The practical part to take into consideration is that I have been feeling deprived, and when I feel that way, I will eat whatever I want. I have been staving off candida by just eating fruit, (no oils, fats, nuts, seeds, etc) and it is not enjoyable. I want to eat a bit more fats. I don't need as much as Josh needs (he's a fast oxidizer and I'm a slow oxidizer so we need diff. fat ratios, according to Gabriel Cousens in his book Conscious Eating) but I do need some.

Dr. Doug Graham has his 80/10/10 theory but I have been missing the 10 part because of the candida business. Drat. I believe the candida is gone or sufficiently staved, but it doesn't mean I'm not concerned anymore. I forget that my intution is clearer than my rational mind about my body and its goings on. I also think that eating more fats and oils is better than simply eating cooked food and therefore, I lean towards the fats to satisfy that part of me that cannot feel satisfied with a bunch of fruit.

I got a raw DVD from the library: Raw: The Living Food Diet. I'd just like to see some food prep demos and get back to my love of preparing raw food.