Balancing Body and Brain

It's only been since Feb 2007 that I have been on the raw-rior's path. That's only 3 months. I have been reading what feels like years worth of information on being raw and I think I'm getting ahead of myself. I stopped eating refined sugar (this includes honey and maple syrup too, though) Jan 2007. So upon looking at the short amount of time I have been transitioning, I am going to cut myself a bit more slack. I haven't even been 100% raw the whole time. At first, I was raw until dinner. That was a good way for me to go. It was easy to do (even at Disneyworld) and I lost a considerable amount of wait right off the bat.
Recently, as I've increased my blog reading, my book reading, and my preparing repertoire, I have been creeping towards more and more raw food. Yipee! The reason for this has been that I experience TONS of painful gas and long bouts on the toilet after eating cooked food. Even though there is a 24 hour delay from food in to food out, I know that it simply feels bad.
BUT
As I increase the amount of raw food, I am getting more and more strict. So I play around with mono-meals and no oil & fats, and generally set myself up to fail, or at least feel deprived while eating raw.
WHICH
results in eating cooked food, eating lots of dates (easy to snack on!), and generally not really keeping up a good caloric intake. Boo to that.
My mind knows, from assimilating all the info I've been reading, that x, y, or z are better for me, and so I aim to eat like that. But it's not sustainable. And that's a HUGE part of staying raw: Getting comfortable with raw food, then progressing into the finer points as my body craves. I've already done my first round of colonics and of course I wanted to stay 100% raw after that, but I need to be more gentle with myself.
We don't have a dehydrator (not an Excalibur, I mean) or a masticating juicer or a full size food processor so sometimes our abilities are limited. We have done okay so far, with the thrown together 'quick' fixes, and I realize that we need a few tools upgraded so that we can enjoy more foods and easier prep.
Josh is only two months behind me in transition and already we are differing in our raw approach. I tend to eat a LOT of salad (twice a day at least) and I've slowed my intake of nuts, oils, and other fats. I also crave more fats and should pay attention to that because it might be more about caloric intake. I am tending toward less food that I have EVER eaten and it's important to not be blinded by the amazing weight loss. I want to increase my stamina and energy as well.

Last night, even though I brought my own salad with delicious dressing, I also ate a bunch of cooked food. I have a weakness for cheese (in more ways than one) and I ate feta, tiny breads, crackers, pickles, cooked asparagus, and dates. I overate on top of that, as well as poorly combined my food (obviously). Yikes. When I got home, I felt awful and stuffed, then my body proceeded to rid itself of the night before's poor eating (a bite of tofu chocolate pie).

What happened? Why can't I walk the talk?

Well, here's the weird thing. Sometimes I eat cooked foods because I don't want people to think I live a 'deprived' life. I don't want to seem so together in my food choices that people can't relate to me. I think that's mostly because I want to teach/guide people toward better food choices and if they see me suffering (which I tend to do if I see chocolate, sugar, yummy fats, etc), then they won't be attracted to me. I also don't like to see food being eaten and opt out when I am someone's house. It's hard for me to say no, and that's my own fault, but it doesn't make it any easier. I have said no to sugar, alcohol, drugs, etc. but I need to continue my efforts and stay strong.
Also, I need to eat more food.
If my caloric intake is NOT supporting my activity (I exercise everyday for at least 15-25 mins), then I need to look at that.

Just like I did raw until dinner, now I think I will do simple raw until dinner, and then I will have my fattier, richer, more complex meals as a last meal. I think a routine is also a good idea, as I am much better when I know what's ahead, what I need to make, what I have to work with, etc.

Also, when I eat minimal calories and have minimal amounts of food, I tend to crave that which I do not have and therefore, it can be a slippery slope. So we adjusted our food budget so that it was more abundant with regard to eating the foods that we wanted. I'd rather spend more money on food than anything else anyway, so it's in line with our priorities.

Feeling abundantly nourished also helps me feel abundant in other areas of my life.